Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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