I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
