Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Oh god it's open bar.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
