So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
