someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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