I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
