Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
