so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's never too late to be topless.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
