Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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