took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
