Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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