Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
