You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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