Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
