Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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