One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
