Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
