Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
