I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
