D3 body, D1 cock
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize