i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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