Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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