Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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