I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
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she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
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Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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