worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
