You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Success! We fucked roommates!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
