Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This is the high leading the old right now
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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