so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
