overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I came so hard my ears popped.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
