Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
