I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
