ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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