you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
