It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
