The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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