No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
