Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
