So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
