why didn't you poke me back
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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