Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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