Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
This house was built for laser tag.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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