just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
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I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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