her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
