Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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