I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
