i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
