Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
4 words: hood of his car
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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