And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
