? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
