So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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