Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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