A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
