After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Apparently you make a good broom.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
