if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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