He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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