Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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