His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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