Please, let me fuck your mom
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
