The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
