Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
