my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
