She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
