This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
