everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
