my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
there is glitter all over my balls
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