lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
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Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
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She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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