you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Houston, we have a blender
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
