She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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