Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
