Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
