No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
